If you don’t mind me asking, how much does your personal identity weigh being Asian compared to whichever specific nationality/ethnicity you are?
Sorry if that’s phrased weird. I mean like for example if you’re Korean, how much do you identify as “Korean” versus “Asian”? Or does it not matter to you?
I’m sure it’s different for everybody, and it might depend strongly on factors like generation and how frequently you use the language in daily life. But I like to ask people for their personal perspectives because it’s better than either assuming, or generalizing based on what sounds right. If that makes sense?
I know for instance people living in Asia are more likely to identify with their nationality or ethnic group, or the language they speak, rather than thinking of themselves as simply “Asian.” But among the diaspora, I’m curious to know how much it blends together into a multicultural “Asian” identity.
Cause I don’t want to be insensitive and say just “Asian” if that sounds overly reductive. But I also don’t know the polite way to ask someone what country their family is from…
But I also don’t know the polite way to ask someone what country their family is from…
It’s not that there are specific polite ways. Sometimes people ask where you are from because they want to know the exact racism and bullshit to hit you with. Let me talk about a specific type of the other times. Gran was a nurse in a town by a military base. She asked everyone where they were from because there was a good chance they weren’t from said town. Gran wasn’t. It was an opportunity to share and connect (and distract the patient from whatever awfulness they were feeling).
If you’re looking for a rule, it’s pretty much the same one to live life by: be excellent to each other. Approach the conversation in good faith and with kindness and you tend to get good results.
They’re about even. Offline, people can obviously tell I’m Asian so it doesn’t make much sense to say “I’m Asian”. On the internet, I prefer a certain level of anonymity so I just go with Asian.
It’s super diverse in my city. So identifying with my ethnicity is generally an easy way to connect with others. They don’t even have to share my ethnicity. People love to ice break on ethnicity and I don’t mind that as long as they’re not trying to be weird about it.
That makes sense. It can be a touchy topic for some people though so I’m usually too nervous to bring it up, even though you’re right it can be a pretty good icebreaker.
Like I’m socially awkward but I can talk about food somewhat comfortably, so if I know someone’s cultural heritage I can ask them about certain dishes or relate my experience with those dishes. But if all I know is that they’re East Asian, I can only guess whether they’re Chinese or Japanese or Taiwanese or Vietnamese or Korean based on how they look, but that’s not always accurate and is dangerously close to stereotyping.
I can go off their name if it’s a traditional one, but if they have a western name then that’s not much of a context clue. So that makes it a lot harder to connect about food, and then I’m left scraping my braincells for something to say that won’t sound weird, and after a few seconds’ hesitation with my eyes rolling up into my head people tend to get weirded out anyway and walk away…
I see how it could be uncomfortable. From one internet stranger to another, I hope you know it’s appreciated. That kind of empathy already goes a long way. It might not come out that way but I see it from here.
Some real advice for situations where you’re not quite sure how to address the ethnicity topic: you could just ask if they grew up in <your city>. If they say no, they might tell you where they grew up. If not, let it pass. Not everyone wants to talk about where they grew up. 1st generation+ Asians can be all over the place on comfort with their identity.
Also, if the vibes aren’t there, they might just not want to talk. That’s fine too.
Interesting. Good to know, thank you.
If you don’t mind me asking, how much does your personal identity weigh being Asian compared to whichever specific nationality/ethnicity you are?
Sorry if that’s phrased weird. I mean like for example if you’re Korean, how much do you identify as “Korean” versus “Asian”? Or does it not matter to you?
I’m sure it’s different for everybody, and it might depend strongly on factors like generation and how frequently you use the language in daily life. But I like to ask people for their personal perspectives because it’s better than either assuming, or generalizing based on what sounds right. If that makes sense?
I know for instance people living in Asia are more likely to identify with their nationality or ethnic group, or the language they speak, rather than thinking of themselves as simply “Asian.” But among the diaspora, I’m curious to know how much it blends together into a multicultural “Asian” identity.
Cause I don’t want to be insensitive and say just “Asian” if that sounds overly reductive. But I also don’t know the polite way to ask someone what country their family is from…
It’s not that there are specific polite ways. Sometimes people ask where you are from because they want to know the exact racism and bullshit to hit you with. Let me talk about a specific type of the other times. Gran was a nurse in a town by a military base. She asked everyone where they were from because there was a good chance they weren’t from said town. Gran wasn’t. It was an opportunity to share and connect (and distract the patient from whatever awfulness they were feeling).
If you’re looking for a rule, it’s pretty much the same one to live life by: be excellent to each other. Approach the conversation in good faith and with kindness and you tend to get good results.
They’re about even. Offline, people can obviously tell I’m Asian so it doesn’t make much sense to say “I’m Asian”. On the internet, I prefer a certain level of anonymity so I just go with Asian.
It’s super diverse in my city. So identifying with my ethnicity is generally an easy way to connect with others. They don’t even have to share my ethnicity. People love to ice break on ethnicity and I don’t mind that as long as they’re not trying to be weird about it.
That makes sense. It can be a touchy topic for some people though so I’m usually too nervous to bring it up, even though you’re right it can be a pretty good icebreaker.
Like I’m socially awkward but I can talk about food somewhat comfortably, so if I know someone’s cultural heritage I can ask them about certain dishes or relate my experience with those dishes. But if all I know is that they’re East Asian, I can only guess whether they’re Chinese or Japanese or Taiwanese or Vietnamese or Korean based on how they look, but that’s not always accurate and is dangerously close to stereotyping.
I can go off their name if it’s a traditional one, but if they have a western name then that’s not much of a context clue. So that makes it a lot harder to connect about food, and then I’m left scraping my braincells for something to say that won’t sound weird, and after a few seconds’ hesitation with my eyes rolling up into my head people tend to get weirded out anyway and walk away…
I see how it could be uncomfortable. From one internet stranger to another, I hope you know it’s appreciated. That kind of empathy already goes a long way. It might not come out that way but I see it from here.
Some real advice for situations where you’re not quite sure how to address the ethnicity topic: you could just ask if they grew up in <your city>. If they say no, they might tell you where they grew up. If not, let it pass. Not everyone wants to talk about where they grew up. 1st generation+ Asians can be all over the place on comfort with their identity.
Also, if the vibes aren’t there, they might just not want to talk. That’s fine too.