Some days, i feel happy, and other days i feel completely lost. I miss the bubbly innocent version of myself who could enjoy little things without overthinking everything. This breakup has changed me in ways I never expected. I don’t understand why I struggle to feel genuinely happy why crowded places make me anxious or why I sometimes feel like I’ll never heal from this. Is it normal to feel this way after a painful breakup.
Today is 38th day of no contact
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Never base your happines on other human beings. Humans are notorious for disappointing each other.
It takes time. Things like this take time to recover from.
You’re not going to like to hear that, because you want it over with faster and back to normal tomorrow, but the truth is, it’s just going to take months. Maybe a year or two depending on the length of your relationship.
Some things will get better, and you’ll find that other things don’t bring you as much joy anymore. Big life events like this have a way of permanently changing who you are, for good and bad.
You will find other things to get obsessed about and care about and genuinely enjoy.
Be open to new things going forward, otherwise you might miss the “Next Thing” that will bring you a lot of happiness and joy in life.
As others have said though, don’t rush into another relationship. Wish I could have taken my own advice on this in the past. Just…trust me/everyone else when they say that. It’s the worst thing you can do.
You need to recover on your own with friends. You don’t want to just transfer all those feelings into someone else. It will poison whatever relationship you go to next if you don’t deal with your shit and grow from this experience.
You need to be happy being by yourself before you add someone else to your life. Your happiness is found within yourself. Once you discover that, the power relationships have over you is greatly diminished.
Thank you, i needed to hear this. I think i m struggling because i want to stop hurting so badly that i keep wishing i could just wake up one day and be over him. I know healing takes time, but some days it feels impossible, especially when i still miss him despite everything he did. I’ll try to focus on myself and learn to be happy on my own again.
No, you become someone else somewhere else. This would have happened even if you were still together.
Such is life.
Some breakups are really fucking bad. Especially if you’re codependent, you had plans for the future, or if they left you without closure, meaning your brain is constantly ruminating.
Try not to have unrealistic expectations. You will get better, but it will be slower than you’d like. There’ll be ups, downs, but you’ll generally trend upwards. That’s how it is for practically everyone, and the others either have a very good reason for it, or they have something wrong with them.
Reaching out to friends and family can help, if you have ones that can be relied on in such times. A psych can help depending on how you feel.
Yeah, i guess healing takes time, even if it’s slower than we want it to be. The thing is i don’t really have any friends left because i got so caught up in the relationship. Now i feel like i have no one to turn to which makes everything even harder. But i’m trying to take it one day at a time.
I can get that, my last one left me in a similar situation. It might not feel like it, but those friends may appreciate you reaching out. It’s worth a shot. If not, there are always new people in the world, and you can chalk this up to a learning experience.
I did try reaching out, but they kept ignoring my messages. Eventually they just told me to take care of myself and now i see them posting about their happy life. I guess i have to accept that they’ve moved on even though it hurts.
Absolutely for sure 38 days in. A friend once game me a timeline that it usually takes around half the duration of the relationship itself, give or take. That’s unpleasant to hear after a 10 year relationship, but it was good advice - helped set expectations…
Then i guess i need to give myself a few more months. i know healing isn’t the same for everyone, but thank you, it helps to have a rough idea and not rush myself.
Yep. Talking to people helps too. The more people the better, to share the load, and hear more diverse perspectives
Yess…thank you:)
A friend once game me a timeline that it usually takes around half the duration of the relationship itself
Pretty accurate for me: 7 years relationship and 4 years till full recovery
It takes time, a broken heart is a powerful physical thing. Use the year to get to know yourself. Start a hobby, or join a fitness class for the endorphins.
Don’t surpress how you feel. If you know that crying will lead to more crying, just cry, get it all out.
thank you, i’m trying to focus on my studies and rediscover myself. some days are just harder than others, but i guess healing takes time.
For context: took me 2 years to fully get over a 3 year relationship.
By year 1 I was mostly healed, but my body was a mess and I just wasn’t ready for anything new.
By year 2 I joined a gym, felt a bit better about myself and started dating again.
People aren’t wrong when they say “gym up” for this kind of thing. I do think fitness can really accelarate your healing journey, and wish I’d started sooner
Thank you for sharing your experience. i’m glad you’re doing better now. My relationship was of 13 months, so i guess i might need a few more months lol
Haha yeah, quite likely. Swift recovery, stranger!
Hey, however you’re feeling is the right way to feel. We can’t control feelings, they’re involuntary sensations. Sometimes life changes us forever, and that’s OK too. It’s okay because we can learn to love our selves first before others, no matter what. I hope you learn how to carry on, however that may look for you.
Unfortunately, happiness is never guaranteed. It’s up to us to make our own happiness from the mess that life provides.
Good luck, stranger. This too, shall pass.
Thank you, this genuinely means a lot. i’m slowly learning to accept my feelings instead of fighting them and trying to find myself again. i know it’ll take time, but i hope one day i’ll look back at this phase and realise how much i’ve grown. thank you for your kind words.
There’s no magical cure, but anytime you’re struggling it is the right time to self-prescribe exercise, time outdoors, a stable sleeping pattern, and a couple hot baths every week.
Lots of different things can help, but nothing will be magic fix
I recommend writing when you’re in a headspace like this. Write how you feel. Write about what’s not fair, what you can make sense of and what you can’t.
The shortest pencil is longer than the longest thought.
thank you so much for taking the time to help me. i’ve actually started writing down my feelings, and it helps me process things a little better. i know healing won’t happen overnight, but your advice means a lot to me.
Yup, everything will be better. No, you won’t be feeling the same as you felt in your relationship
In the first 6 months after a breakup I felt like shit internally. I did some silly stuff too. Experiment with new things and connections to rediscover yourself once again.
Yeah i m trying, but i have no friends left after the relationship so it’s kinda hard to deal with everything alone:(
Been there my friend. I only had a job and was doing sports I ended up quitting.
I forced myself to meet new people: tinder, improv, English speaking club in my area, death cafe, local festivals, Marx reading club. I was full of cringe and physical pain due to cringe, but also met a fistful of nice people and my future wife.
It’s not advice, but it worked for me. Doesn’t mean that it’d work for you or if I did something else I wouldn’t recover.
Advice is not to buy easy solutions like hatered, neglect or ultimate egoism. These are easy to follow, but do not yield anything
