My ex and I were together for around 1.5 years in an LDR. He had tried to break up with me around 4 times before, but I would plead with him and he would come back, tell me he loved me, and talk about our future and marriage.
This September, he came to meet me, and that’s when I found out he had been using a dating app, swiping on women, sexting at least one woman, and sharing his WhatsApp, Telegram and Instagram with girls. He said there was no physical connection, but I still consider it cheating.
He also told me that his family was his responsibility while I was a choice, and that he could change his choice but couldn’t leave his responsibility.
What confuses me is that before all this, he was still talking about our future and marriage and acting committed. Now I’m trying to understand what actually happened and how much of the relationship had already changed from his side.
I also pushed away a close friend becnause my ex had issues with him. I became distant, blocked him and eventually ghosted him because I was so focused on my relationship. After the breakup, I finally reached out to that friend, but he saw my messages and didn’t reply.
Now I feel like I lost a genuine friend because I gave so much of myself to a relationship that ended anyway. Most people don’t know about the cheating, so they probably think we simply broke up because we were incompatible and I was too dependent.
Sounds like the relationship ran its course, and you learned some valuable lessons. That is, if you’ve actually learned anything. I suggest you ruminate on the relationship, work through what both of you did right and wrong, take whatever lessons you can from it, then pack it away, and vow to do better next time.
You need to accept there are things you will never know, and you only ever see your half of the relationship. Learning how to see your half clearly, and realizing when you’re lying to yourself for whatever reason, is key to a long term relationship, assuming that is what you want.
This will hit harder, but I strongly suggest you look deeply and carefully at why you want to be married, and what you expect to get out of that. We all make many wrong assumptions about marriage before we’re married.