• Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world
    18·
    13 hours ago

    If violent retribution is one of the paths inceldom leads to, it’s not terribly surprising if a femcel group goes the same way. What’s that saying? “Hurt people hurt people”?

    If the only bond a group of people have is due to the pain they’re in, it can easily turn toxic. It’s a shame so many people turn toward incel/femcel communities instead of toward groups about shared interests or topics. I get wanting to commiserate with others, but when it becomes a circle jerk of sadness, sticking around can make existing issues so much worse.

    • Talcosis@lemmy.zip
      4·
      6 hours ago

      Problem with that is that there’s a very small window in which saving an incel/femcel is easy. Before that window, they’re generally still normal but maybe withdrawing. After that window…interacting with them just kinda sucks. You need to have a certain willingness to deal with excessive self-deprecating sadness and basically make life worth living for them.

      Incel/femcel communities stew in that toxicity, so it’s easy to add your own toxicity to the stew. Normal people don’t want to put up with that shit.

      Source: a dear friend from back in the day dealt with my nearly incel ass, preventing me from falling all the way down the hole.

  • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
    55·
    20 hours ago

    Any time a group of people is open to anyone joining it’s going to get ruined by the awful people using it as an excuse to be awful. Doubly so when the original group of people is emotionally vulnerable and hurt.

    Incel, Femcel, doesn’t matter. Makes no difference to awful people what they’re called if they can get in a group to collectively fantasize about being more awful than they could get way with in real life. I wish the actual people that are hurt can get the help they need to get better.

    • Doc_Crankenstein@slrpnk.netEnglish
      7·
      10 hours ago

      The real issue is that, most of the time, those who want to do harm are themselves emotionally vulnerable and hurt, which is why they gravitated to those in-groups in the first place. They turn their pain into justification which they feel entitles them to harm others as an act of retribution. “Eye for an eye” type shit.

      Every incel/femcel began as a teenager that didn’t know better, who was probably just a little weird or was taught some bullshit by their parents, who got bullied for what they perceived as being nothing more than themselves, and they had no one to help them cope with it in a healthy way.

      • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        6 hours ago

        I wouldn’t say most of the time, but that is true to some extent. I think most of the time that the actual incels just want the emotional support that they desperately need, but when coming into contact with people online naively believe everyone that calls themselves an incel is like them. So its easy for them to be manipulated. That’s where I think much of the bad reputation online for “incel” comes from, from people that were manipulated by others looking for easy targets. Many of the people that might feequent “incel communities” genuinely need help and are unknowingly drinking from a contaminated well.

        As to your second remark, not every person who has trouble with emotional connection started as a teenager that was bullied. Perhaps you are talking exclusively about the people that manipulate the vulnerable ones, in that case I can say it is probably mostly true, but there are certainly exceptions.

      • RightHandOfIkaros@lemmy.worldEnglish
        3·
        6 hours ago

        I think most people that frequent those type of communities feel the same, and I hope you and all of the emotionally vulnerable, man or woman, are able to get real help that you need to feel better and more self-confident. Pain in the heart is not a fun thing to spend one’s time dealing with.

      • the_crotch@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        1·
        11 hours ago

        Serious question, has anyone ever tried making a community for both incels and femcels so they can learn about each other and find common ground? I think it could be beneficial to both.

  • FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works
    86·
    17 hours ago

    I’ve never met a “femcel” - as in a woman with poor social skills who stays inside and games a lot, perhaps lacking optimism about their romantic prospects and overall destiny - in my life so the whole concept did strike me as weird. Seeing the “femcel” subreddits, twitter pages and Instagram pages, all it reminded me of were the toxic girls from my hometown who essentially scared off new prospects by being so rude to them and CLEARLY chose their lifestyle very early on.

    I therefore think femcel is a misnomer. I think generally women aren’t getting hung up on men in an incel-ly way - the ones that do skip straight to stalker serial killer lady - I think women are good at socialising and always have some sort of support system.

    • FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works
      113·
      17 hours ago

      I think you overestimate the ability of biological women to hold their own against biological men once the men are >14 years old. Women deal less forceful blows and they usually have shorter stature which reduces leverage, this reducing force of attack and wrestling ability. They have less grip strength usually, and will struggle to reach the man.

      In other words: it doesn’t really happen? Also why exactly would violence be based, anyway? If this is some sort of reaction to men attacking women, then pretending there are “based women who beat on men” doesn’t really solve that issue, nor does it necessarily solve any problems if it actually happens.

      If we are talking about literal boys and girls, I’m never going to celebrate kids beating each other up. That’s just weird.

      • TwilightKiddy@programming.devEnglish
        27·
        16 hours ago

        This makes it sound as if women never commit violence against men, which is just not true. Most people are not always on edge ready to fight for their life, fights are not always decided by whoever is physically stronger.

        And even though it’s a crime to beat someone in most countries, this sort of violence, especially if it’s of sexual nature, is probably somewhere around the most underreported ones.

        If a man tells someone he was beaten by a woman, he is automatically a laughingstock material, because “oh, men are physically stronger than women, no way that happened”. It’s even worse for rape, because there is no concept of men not consenting to sex in the “traditional” masculinity image.

      • ButteredBread@sh.itjust.works
        111·
        16 hours ago

        Generally that’s true, but not always, also beating someone up is not necesarily related to physocal ability. You can notice the post says “nerd boy” or something along those lines. This probably implies not only someone that likely does not exercise much making them weaker but probably also someone insecure meaning they’re less likely to fight back.

        Also. What you say also makes it generally more acceptable for women to harm men. My brother once got hit by a woman and the literal principal of the school just said like something that he should not be complaining for a woman hitting him or something like that. That’s obviously not a good principal and I find the situation funny but like because of the same thing that like men can’t harm women and that you know. (Harmful to both sides I would say anyways, no one should be hurting anyone and anyone should be defending themselves.)

        Also I think the original comment was a joke.

        Also if a trans-woman is on HRT the physical abilities should not be that different from a cis-woman, sure there’s still the height but there are still exceptions like the person just being short, having one of those surgeries that make you shorter, the other person being tall, or having started HRT in puberty and that kind of stuff.

        Also this is just what I know and consider based on what I know and personal experience and I could of course be wrong.

      • Fizz@lemmy.nzEnglish
        82·
        16 hours ago

        If a women wants to beat up men she just needs to take MMA for a year then find someone she is size matched with. There is no shortage of men who can’t fight.