I didnā€™t expect it to end this way šŸ˜­. This is freaking heartbreaking

CW: Infodump šŸ˜†

I know this is totally different, but this hits home for several reasons for me:

  • I have a bf who loves me unconditionally
  • I cannot have his kids
  • Heā€™s twice my age, 20 years between us. Obviously, I age like anyone else, but the implication is thereā€¦I donā€™t even want to think about that
  • Iā€™m insecure as fuck and also need constant reassurance, lol
  • He never stops loving me, no matter what
  • He makes me blush (and wet) :3

I dread the fact that Iā€™m so much younger. I hate it. I donā€™t even want to consider outlasting my bf as a real optionā€¦

When we were discussing me having SRS and I managed to convince him that it was something I wanted and needed, he pulled out a really serious subject.
He started saying things, like that I was on a good path in life and that if something was ever to happen to himā€¦that I should live on happily and find someone to love me againā€¦
And that was the only time I can remember becoming hysteric instantly, mid-sentence, from 0 to 100 in a split second.

Iā€™m really not ready to go through thatā€¦so Iā€™ll do my best for him. So that heā€™s healthy and happy and satisfied. I want him to stick around as long as possibleā€¦

  • alapakala@quokk.auEnglish
    132Ā·
    9 days ago

    We tried adopting, but we couldnā€™t find a child whoā€™s comfortable with what I am or look

    jk: skill issuešŸ’…
    ēŸ³å†³ę˜Ž picnicā³šŸŽØšŸ“ŗ

    re Infodump

    I hope that wasnā€™t operationphobia, just envision outlooks. If the latter, itā€™s a good concern to have. I donā€™t believe partners should be tied to one person, or forever. I am polyeros, & I canā€™t see myself withholding my partners from finding someone better after I am gone, or during our ship. I donā€™t mind age gaps, so long as the theory of prudence (ToP) is well developed. (Iā€™ve been an ojii/obacon all my life) Itā€™s ā€œI need to wear protection. If I still get pregnant, I know how to abort. If I know I can carry, I need to take all my vaccines. I have to prepare to waste 18+ years to ensure they develop ToP, & can emotionally live w/out me. Etcā€¦ā€ & sometimes the leverage gaps: ā€œCan they bribe me, power me, threaten me, abuse me, exploit me, manipulate me, gaslight me, harass me, isolate me, disenfranchise me, etc.?ā€ With the amount of abuses Iā€™ve experienced, manipulators of my trust has been weaker than a skin flake.šŸ˜”
    mrl