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This is me in this exact moment
stares at the art supplies I got and only used once
While I don’t think it’s related to ADHD, I currently haven’t drawn for fun in little over a year. Used to draw everyday and it makes me so happy and relaxed when I do it. Same with writing stories. I would write daily. But I just can’t, right now. It’s like I’m entirely blocked from it.
In my case I think it’s currently related to stress/being burnt out, but yeah. Relatable.
in that case it’s likely a depression symptom, caused by the stress.
It’s probably depression adjacent, yeah.
Granted, I don’t feel depressed, but I do feel incredibly exhausted after the last three years I have had, lol. I’ll spare you the trauma dump xD
I have, however, started to wonder if the ADHD suspicions my boyfriend and I have about me, are actually CPTSD symptoms instead. Found a list of 17 symptoms for CPTSD on a health organization website a month-ish ago and I scored 11, which was a bit like “okay, spicy.” One of my sibs struggles a lot with similar symptoms to me and is in therapy. The term CPTSD has been used in their context so now I’m like “kewl. Awesome. Whatever”.
don’t worry, after the last decade i can trauma dump anybody into oblivion :).
anyway, of course we like to have a label for our issues, because it makes the problem more approachable and feeling real (in the meaning of “oh, I’m not the only one”). but at the end of the day it’s only important to get help. even things that sound trivial can have a major impact on our performance and quality of life.
fingers crossed, that you find your way!
Haha, I bet! Life is a goofy frenemy, isnt it? What have you had to deal with the past decade?
Yeah, I have pretty significant pet peeve around not being believed so getting a label meant a lot to me until it didn’t. Figured that it’s not gonna change anything whether or not I have confirmation of my suspensions or not. I was never interested in meds, just wanted someone to believe me. And now I’m like: but why, though? I mean, I know why and I know it goes deep, but I don’t think it’s the right thing for my process to lean into the need for other people’s validation of my experiences and emotions. It doesn’t matter. The people who made me feel like that my whole life aren’t a part of it anymore.
Currently, I think the inability to be creative and the self isolation has a lot to do with recent events in my life that has drained me. Lost my beloved company after three years of fighting to stay afloat amidst wars and inflation and AI, sacrificing sleep, hobbies and social time, had family drama that resulted in my siblings and me cutting our parents out of our lives and was diagnosed with the pre-stages to breast cancer in June and had my breast cut off in July. I am still healing from the operation. It’s been a bit intense, ngl xD that’s why I don’t think it’s ADHD related, but still felt the meme was relatable! 🥰
daily
I don’t want to reply to people directly because I don’t want them to feel singled out, but I wanted to share a few things. Anyone who wants to respond is welcome 😊
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Your drugs give you executive function?!?! Which ones are you taking and have you tired others/other doses so that you know it’s the type/dose that impacts it? The primary benefit I get from lisdexamfetamine 60 mg is my brain is slightly quieter and I have better emotional regulation.
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For me not being able to do things is from one of two reasons. Persistent Demand for Autonomy is when my mind/body refuses to let me do something because it takes any demand as a threat. Like a fainting goat if the fainting goat screamed FUCK YOU (internally) instead of fainting. Demands include me thinking “Gee, I should play that video game I bought and have been looking forward to, that would be nice and relaxing.” No, you are going to sit still for a few hours instead.
When it’s executive disfunction I literally cannot figure out how to do it and it becomes overwhelming. Executive function consists of three parts (taken from https://cpa.ca/psychology-works-fact-sheet-executive-functioning/ )
- Inhibition control: the ability to think before acting.
- Working memory: the ability to hold and juggle a small amount of information while performing another task.
- Cognitive flexibility: the ability to adjust your thinking or approach when situations change, so you can find new ways to solve problems or respond.
I started typing an example of why it can take me like 2 hours to shower on a bad day but that got really long so I will cut to the point: breaking things into smaller tasks and planning ahead requires executive function. I get the idea is that that you should do this when you feel like your executives are functioning, but remembering to add hobbies and including the permutations that come from doing them “in your spare time” make that really, really hard. So, “I want to play video games” becomes “Initiating the playing of the video game take every last bit of function leaving me with no time to play them and feeling extremely stressed out”.
If it’s built into a routine then I can typically manage. When I wasn’t off work showering maybe took a bit longer some times but I knew I did it at a certain time every day and I had a hair washing schedule so I didn’t need to think about that either. The moment that routine is interrupted (i.e I don’t need to be at work at a certain time each day?) each little decision and step becomes overwhelming. Try and push through it? I’ve forgotten to see if there are any towels in the bathroom? Wore the wrong slippers? I am going to fucking crash out about being wet and uncomfortable and not going to be able to do anything for a few hours. Harder to build video games into a routine especially if you don’t have time to play every day.
Great comment. I also find routine critical to getting shit done. Even to the point where I’ll need to symbolically enact the routine if I don’t have the time to do it properly. So like if I have no time to workout I’ll just do a single pushup and tell myself “whatever! Today that counts!” obviously there’s a risk of that becoming the new routine, but at least if I’m still doing some part of the habit I feel it’s still in play and I can work on devoting more time and effort to it.
Sorry, I don’t have anything valuable to add/respond except: wtf, how did you get in my head?
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I have a graveyard for the things I enjoy doing but can’t motivate myself to do. The primary culprit for this is work. It’s boring and uninspiring but it pays well. The trade off is a paycheck in exchange for any semblance of motivation for life once the workday ends.
For me the issue seems to be stress not work specifically, I’ve been unemployed for ~22 months and I still have the same problem.
if you have tons of money in the bank, i’d probably seek a professional’s help with that.
if you’re broke as fuck like the rest of us, i imagine a lot of the negative emotions surrounding (pretty much anything) may be due to external factors and seeking the aforementioned professional’s help may actually make it worse (therapists cost money!)
i say this as someone who has finally stitched together the perfect emulation setup across all my devices and still cannot finish final fantasy 9
There’s a lot of emotional drain with that kind of weight, so that totally makes sense. I’m honestly shocked I haven’t been laid off (again) yet.
Yeah same. My jobs OK and pays well. Boring as hell to spend 45 hours a week doing it, but I like money. While all my hobbies rust and gather dust. I’ll be old or dead before I can enjoy them. Weekends are far too short to ever to anything meaningful.
My employer is generous on PTO, so I push the limits. Life has been a lot for all of us this year.
I haven’t been able to play video games for months, including a new game about subways ☠️
If I take more tylenol do you think the autism will beat the ADHD into submission? Asking for a public transit enthusiast.
Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like that will work. They’ll just team up.
Can you tell me about this game about subways
It’s called Subway Builder. I have not even opened it so I can’t tell you if it’s any good or not, sorry.
ETA: I decided to just push through because I am at my computer anyways and promised myself I’d play as a treat for filling out some fuck ass insurance forms. By the time it updated in steam and then updated in the game (why both? who knows?) I’m too frazzled from the unexpected roadblocks/delays that I can’t understand the tutorial. So I’m going to go sit in the dark instead 👍
I think your mom has to take the tylenol for it to work
Every fucking time.
Then I spend a solid 12 hours turning a slay the spire 2 boss into a spaghetti monster. There’s no in-between.
Everyday I wake up thinking about playing the guitar and every night I go to sleep thinking why I didn’t do it and watched TV instead.
Aren’t those two things that could very well go together?
Laying on the couch with the guitar and just lazily plinking around sure seems like a vibe.
You’re right. That would be great. Now tell me why I’m still not doing it.
yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo do it!!
i picked up the drum sticks for the first time in ~15 years! it is awesome!
Yeah drumming is THE ADHD instrument (just be careful about Tendonitis, I’m continuously suffering from it…).
Practice takes commitment. Guitar is rough because you need to keep your fingers limber and calloused. Even if you manage to memorize the chords, pick up enough music theory to understand progression, or just copy an existing song, you have to keep at it for a long time to get good.
The best weapon i’ve seen for this is rocksmith, which gameifies learning.
but, if you re’ like me, and well we’re here right? you’ll buy it, commit enough to start making progress the forget to unsubscribe.
Have you taken your meds today?
Because you haven’t set any deadlines or short term goals with a date attached. You should learn a song for us and report back in October.
Playing or practicing. There is room to zone out and practice but more often than not practice is hard work. Which is why I don’t do it 😭
Dunno if OP just means playing, I struggle with being able to just pick up the guitar and make sounds with no structure so I can’t relate
I think once you already know how to play with any level of competence it would be great
Me trying to finally launch that game I really wanted to play for three days straight.
Me but with books
One of the earliest signs I had that I was fucked up
One the other hand doing things is exhausting.
Another drink it is!
I have a set of dumbells I lift everyday, in a separate room of the house from my regular activities. The endorphins are great on an okay day, they help me get by on a bad one. I meditate, in the shower. I wouldn’t find the time otherwise, now showers are ‘harder’, but clean me more now and serve as an better anchor for the day. Getting really good at my hobbies, knowing I can do the cool thing - really helps pull me back to them. That trick worked for video games too, playing everything on the hardest difficulty and forcing myself to learn instead of taking the easy route. I know I’m better off like this, but it doesn’t feel like it. I’m too scared to lose all this work, so I keep going. It’s not the best coping strat, but it’s works. I’m not thriving or anything, but I’m a little closer.
I’ll hop on that as soon as i catch up on TikTok
