In your defense, and as someone who never really frequented a gym, why is it tacky to hit on someone at the gym? Is it because presumably people aren’t there to socialize? Are people there to be in their own head working out and pushing themselves?
Maybe it would be fine if you had some other interaction(s) first… Like if you offered to help spot them, or how to work a machine, or offered them a spare Gatorade, or were in a workout class together, etc.
Not gonna lie I don’t go to gyms either lol, I’m not sure myself. Though tbh sometimes people do socialize there from my understanding, there’s classes people will do together like yoga and stuff, and in some of those there’s some socialization I think. And in the case of the homosexual community, apparently quite a bit, the Equinox saunas in NYC at least have a reputation of being a popular cruising spot.
As far as why I’m under the impression that you’re not supposed to, women complain about it a lot, and getting asked out anywhere else too. It seems the general consensus is the only acceptable places to directly speak to a woman without an intermediary are on hook up spyware apps and at the bar. Failing that, “get a hobby and try to make friends, then beg/hope those new friends set you up with someone.” “Go to the gym” is often still given as bad advice because it used to be acceptable but I think those must be olds behind the times or gay men, because those days are gone.
“Get a hobby” has it’s own problems, first of all it’s just as outdated as the gym (which to many is a hobby but ignore that), second it assumes you must not have any hobbies if you’re single which frankly is a baffling line of thought to me lol.
Piling on to your hobbies beef, it also implies that you’re going to have hobbies that aren’t inherently gendered. I am not trying to be sexist at all or prescriptive about which hobbies people should engage in, I’m just going to issue an observation that all of my husband’s video gaming friends are men, and 80% of the people in my gardening groups are women. He’s also into music, which is probably more mixed, but everyone I talk to about books also ends up being women… But that could also just be the genre.
I will say I may somewhat break the mold on this, I’d probably love a gardening group. Unfortunately there’s also people like me who’s (current, maybe gardening group tho good idea) hobbies aren’t conducive to meeting people at all. Like I like to walk around in the woods and take pictures of shit mostly, smoke a lil herb while I’m there. Sometimes I can meet dudes who wanna smoke but I avoid women out there because I’m no bear lol, I don’t want to freak anyone out y’know? I do also read but nobody really talks about books at all ime (irl anyway). Like if I did do the spyware apps I’m sure “what’re you reading right now” would be a good opener but like at the book store or library (where I’d actually be) seems inappropriate.
Even walking in the woods smoking/photoing, that’s a great date activity, have a botanical garden nearby that’s nature but still public and safe too which is even better, but I can’t meet them there I have to talk to someone somewhere else and be like “hey I’m going this weekend you wanna tag along” and that’s the part that is difficult when nobody wants to talk to anyone except in places where I’m not.
There are absolutely hiking groups. They’re are even hiking groups geared towards single people. I have friends that met SOs through them. Also, I think something like a book club would be most likely to be organized through another organization first (a large workplace, a Facebook group or Reddit sub geared towards a city/ county) that would start as a discussion forum and move on to in-person get-togethers.
And if you don’t come across any of those maybe you live in a small community and need to look within the next larger community. And don’t be afraid to organize it yourself. People like all those things (hiking, gardening, books). Also, re: nature and gardening, you can usually also volunteer with local nature preserves (our country has a local conservatory). Good luck out there!
Huh, I’ll check out if there’s any in my area. No go on the workplace, and I do neither the spyware dating apps nor the spyware spying apps (what else does facebook do really it’s all spying all the way down) nor reddit, I’m here partially because reddit chased me off when they killed 3rd party apps after all and lemmy dating isn’t a thing. Also tbh I have ADHD bad and have a hard time reading something unless I pick it, and even then I’m not afraid to say “nah this one’s no good” and not finish it lol, not sure I’m book club material, more “talk about the books we’re currently hyperfocused on” material haha.
I’m in a moderate city, it’s possible we have hiking groups I’m unaware of, I just hope I can find them without facebook because I do not have one, I’ll look, thanks!
Indeed, I left Reddit because it was clearly becoming another tool of manipulation. Facebook feed is very similar. I am not as politically left as a lot of Lemmy, but I am still on the left, and my Facebook feed ends up full of conservative propaganda.
Anyway, the only reason I still maintain a Facebook account is because so much of my local community/ county organizing ends up being done through Facebook. And at the end of the day, you are safer having a community than not, even if the oligarchs know who I know and what shoes I buy.
In your defense, and as someone who never really frequented a gym, why is it tacky to hit on someone at the gym? Is it because presumably people aren’t there to socialize? Are people there to be in their own head working out and pushing themselves?
Maybe it would be fine if you had some other interaction(s) first… Like if you offered to help spot them, or how to work a machine, or offered them a spare Gatorade, or were in a workout class together, etc.
Yes and yes.
Not gonna lie I don’t go to gyms either lol, I’m not sure myself. Though tbh sometimes people do socialize there from my understanding, there’s classes people will do together like yoga and stuff, and in some of those there’s some socialization I think. And in the case of the homosexual community, apparently quite a bit, the Equinox saunas in NYC at least have a reputation of being a popular cruising spot.
As far as why I’m under the impression that you’re not supposed to, women complain about it a lot, and getting asked out anywhere else too. It seems the general consensus is the only acceptable places to directly speak to a woman without an intermediary are on hook up spyware apps and at the bar. Failing that, “get a hobby and try to make friends, then beg/hope those new friends set you up with someone.” “Go to the gym” is often still given as bad advice because it used to be acceptable but I think those must be olds behind the times or gay men, because those days are gone.
“Get a hobby” has it’s own problems, first of all it’s just as outdated as the gym (which to many is a hobby but ignore that), second it assumes you must not have any hobbies if you’re single which frankly is a baffling line of thought to me lol.
Piling on to your hobbies beef, it also implies that you’re going to have hobbies that aren’t inherently gendered. I am not trying to be sexist at all or prescriptive about which hobbies people should engage in, I’m just going to issue an observation that all of my husband’s video gaming friends are men, and 80% of the people in my gardening groups are women. He’s also into music, which is probably more mixed, but everyone I talk to about books also ends up being women… But that could also just be the genre.
I will say I may somewhat break the mold on this, I’d probably love a gardening group. Unfortunately there’s also people like me who’s (current, maybe gardening group tho good idea) hobbies aren’t conducive to meeting people at all. Like I like to walk around in the woods and take pictures of shit mostly, smoke a lil herb while I’m there. Sometimes I can meet dudes who wanna smoke but I avoid women out there because I’m no bear lol, I don’t want to freak anyone out y’know? I do also read but nobody really talks about books at all ime (irl anyway). Like if I did do the spyware apps I’m sure “what’re you reading right now” would be a good opener but like at the book store or library (where I’d actually be) seems inappropriate.
Even walking in the woods smoking/photoing, that’s a great date activity, have a botanical garden nearby that’s nature but still public and safe too which is even better, but I can’t meet them there I have to talk to someone somewhere else and be like “hey I’m going this weekend you wanna tag along” and that’s the part that is difficult when nobody wants to talk to anyone except in places where I’m not.
There are absolutely hiking groups. They’re are even hiking groups geared towards single people. I have friends that met SOs through them. Also, I think something like a book club would be most likely to be organized through another organization first (a large workplace, a Facebook group or Reddit sub geared towards a city/ county) that would start as a discussion forum and move on to in-person get-togethers.
And if you don’t come across any of those maybe you live in a small community and need to look within the next larger community. And don’t be afraid to organize it yourself. People like all those things (hiking, gardening, books). Also, re: nature and gardening, you can usually also volunteer with local nature preserves (our country has a local conservatory). Good luck out there!
Huh, I’ll check out if there’s any in my area. No go on the workplace, and I do neither the spyware dating apps nor the spyware spying apps (what else does facebook do really it’s all spying all the way down) nor reddit, I’m here partially because reddit chased me off when they killed 3rd party apps after all and lemmy dating isn’t a thing. Also tbh I have ADHD bad and have a hard time reading something unless I pick it, and even then I’m not afraid to say “nah this one’s no good” and not finish it lol, not sure I’m book club material, more “talk about the books we’re currently hyperfocused on” material haha.
I’m in a moderate city, it’s possible we have hiking groups I’m unaware of, I just hope I can find them without facebook because I do not have one, I’ll look, thanks!
Indeed, I left Reddit because it was clearly becoming another tool of manipulation. Facebook feed is very similar. I am not as politically left as a lot of Lemmy, but I am still on the left, and my Facebook feed ends up full of conservative propaganda.
Anyway, the only reason I still maintain a Facebook account is because so much of my local community/ county organizing ends up being done through Facebook. And at the end of the day, you are safer having a community than not, even if the oligarchs know who I know and what shoes I buy.